In an effort to restore peace and stop world hunger, Squelch researchers have rigorously tested the original Nintendo Duck Hunt Gun. We hope our research will give us a better understanding of its mystical powers. To those unfamiliar with the … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Och, Me Head!
Ye’d ne’er believe how very mooch it hurts te slam yer delicate doock head inte a solid sea o’ gold coins. More’n a wee bit, Ah kin tell ye that mooch. Ah’m in an ache from spatz te noggin. Moother … Read More
Top Ten Least Effective Ways To Raise A Child
- Break his feet and leave him in the mountains
- The pull-out method
- By the ears
- In a loving, caring household that murders children
- With lies and manipulation
- Crop rotation
- Send 40¢ a month
- Vegan
- In a pack of wild wolves
Top Ten Board Games For Lazy Kids
- Pin the Tail on the Nearest Object
- Homeopathic Remedy
- Yaht-z-z-z
- Chutes & Escalators
- Sorry! (That’s Okay!)
- Oligopoly
- Really Obvious Clue
- Satiated, Content Hippos
- -A-Cero!
- Connect Two
Top Ten Child Nicknames for a Rabbit
- Fucking disease ridden monsters that eat their fucking babies, FUCK!
- Furry burry bunny bunny
- Jumpy lucky bunny
- Wabbity wabbit
- Funny bunny
- Cutie bunny
- Bunny wabbit
- Fuzzy bunny
- Bunny bunny
- Bunny
Top Ten Things Found On The Ocean Floor
- Every ship ever captained by a woman
- Wallet-sized photos of Russian sweethearts
- Gadgets and gizmos aplenty
- Pyroxene-olivine basalt
- Shore-to-shore carpeting
- Whales <STRIKE>fucking</STRIKE> making love
- Geodesic domes with sustainable breathing environment
- 4 million Razor scooters (10 years from now)
- Childern’s letters
Top Ten Inner-City Software Products
- Real Playa
- Oregon Trail for the Apple IIe
- Microsoft Word Up
- Lowered Netscape Navigator with Chrome Rims and 12” Lift
- Microsoft Out – Look – Out Datrell It’s tha Po-Po
- Corel Werd Perfikt
- Etch-a-Sketch
- Macromedia Dreams – ruined – by
Top Ten Replacements For Lube
- The tears of a beaten child
- Her period
- Ear wax
- Ruptured warts
- Holy water
- Icy-Hot
- The last guy’s cum
- Actually getting to know her
- Mushed up ants
- Peanut Butter Chunky Style
Top Five Proposed Titles for Lou Bega’s Autobiography
- I am a Horrible Human Being
- I Bega You, Please, Buya My
Next Album - The Hard, Bumpy Ride on the
Coattails of the Swing Revival - It’s Mambo, Motherfucker
- Mambo Jumbo
Top Ten Other Reasons To Pour Some Sugar On Me
- It dulls the pain of cutting off your
own arm - Because I’m D.C. food and I taste
like fucking shit - Molasses isn’t of the maximum
radicalness - It isn’t really “sugar”, it’s co-caine…
and you aren’t “pouring”
it “on me” ,
