Heuristic Squelch: Hello, Britney Spears.
Britney Spears: Hello, Squelch interviewer man.
HS: What would you like to talk about today?
BS: Well, I guess the main thing I’d like to talk about is how much I’d like to have sex with you.
HS: Wow, I can’t believe it. Britney Spears just said she wants to have sex with me!
BS: That’s right, I said that. Me. Britney Spears.
HS: Right here in an interview. You must really want it known how sexy I am and how much you would want to have sex with me.
BS: So, can I?
HS: What about your much-touted virginity?
BS: What about your much-touted sexiness?
HS: Touche.
BS: So, can I?
HS: After the interview. I have my journalistic integrity to consider. Only a true rock journalist would even be sitting here actually interviewing Britney Spears, and not just making it all up.
BS: That’s you all over. Actually sitting here interviewing me.
HS: I sure am.
BS: Not making it up, just putting words in my mouth.
HS: No, sir.
BS: I, Britney Spears, would really like to have sex with you, the Squelch interviewer, Kenny Byerly.
HS: You shouldn’t say my name in the article. I mean, in this real interview. It might sound conceited.
BS: Okay, sexy Kenny Byerly.
HS: Back to the interview, then. To what do you, Britney Spears, attribute your success in the music industry?
BS: I think it would have to be my complete and total lack of talent, be it in singing, acting, or even my pride and joy: poorly choreographed dancing. I’m such a talentless, attention-grubbing whore. I don’t even write my own songs. I’m terrible. Everyone should hate me.
HS: I can’t believe you just said that about yourself in your own interview. Why would you say those things?
BS: I think your readers will be expecting you to make fun of me.
HS: No they won’t. This is a totally serious interview.
BS: Though I am a horrible singer, I am sexy and attractive and I find you, the Squelch interviewer, irresistible.
HS: This can’t be happening. But it is! Golly, Britney Spears finds me irresistible! She just said so! I never expected that to happen. What a real interview this is!
BS: Can I have sex with you now?
HS: I guess. First, can you verify your name for our records?
BS: I’m really and truly Britney Spears and this is a totally real interview.
HS: Thank you.
BS: My boobs are so fake.
[Britney Spears has sex with me.]
