- Make thousands of gremlins
- Massage Shirley Dean’s big
greasy bologna tits - Make enormous amounts of
Ramen - Sit on the drain and get your ass
sucked out of your ass - Have high-power Japanese
business meetings - Wear floaties
- Burn your nut sack
Tag Archives: top ten
Top Ten Canadian Things
- Poland
- The Canadian Dream
- “Bye, bye Miss Canadian Pie”
- Guess Who’s hit song “Canadian
Woman” - War
- David Bowie’s “Young Canadian”
- Canadian Graffiti
- 0.33-meter-long hot dogs
- Canadian cheese singles
- American bacon
Top Ten Things Overheard At The Morgue
- “That’s not rigor mortis!”
- “We’ve secretly replaced the embalming fluid with Folger’s Crystals… let’s watch.”
- “You’re right – it does taste just like chicken!”
- “Where does this piece go?”
- “Well, if she hadn’t died, she’d be 18 by now…”
- “I
Top Ten Things Forbidden in England
- France
- Mass
- Wildlife
- Child labor laws
- Meat on the bone
- Reveling
- Treating the Irish as human
beings - Daryl Strawberry
- Smiling
- Having any pudding before eating
your meat
Top Three Penises
- Alan Greenspan (’cause he’s a penis)
- Yours
- Mine
Top Ten Things Said by Romance
- “No, seriously, what the fuck is
romance philology?” - “What the fuck is romance
philology?” - “The new guy’s double majoring
in something useful. Kill him.” - “Some of us don’t need to earn
money after college, Mr. Bourgeois
Oppressor.” - “Some guys are
Top Ten “moniums”
- This list blows-monium
- Make yo bitch monium
- Monimonium
- Vic DeMonium
- Alimonium
- Plutoniumonium
- Koalamonium
- Pandemonium
Top Ten Commercial Taglines About Your Penis
- The other white meat.
- Kid-tested, mother approved.
- Obey your thirst.
- Suck my dick!
- The best a man can get.
- Is it in you?
- The juice is loose.
- Put it in your head.
- It’s what’s for dinner.
- If it doesn’t get
Top Ten Things to Put Time Capsule
- Dignity
- The monolith from 2001
- A surprise party
- A cat, a radioactive isotope, triggering device, and poison
- Carton of milk
- Wolf bait
- Safeway club card
- The “monium” list
- A Fabuloso burrito
- A giant, steaming turd
Top Ten Ways to Break an Awkward Silence While on a Date
-
Empty your colostomy bag onto the table.
-
Talk about any surgery or sores you may have.
- Club a baby harp seal.
- Food fight
- Noogies
- Do your crazy Martin Van Buren impression.
- Limericks
- Tabasco chugging competition
- Table dance
- Casually ask,
