Warning : Trying to access array offset on value of type bool in /services/http/users/s/squelch/wp-content/plugins/search-everything/config.php on line 29 The Squelch | The Heuristic Squelch
Seeing the first Onion-American baseball player hitting a home run
When your onion goes into a coma and becomes a vegetable
When you remember the Great Onion Genocide
Seeing red and green onions living in harmony
When your pet onion … Read More
Hearst So Good
Haas School of Dirty Dirty Business
DilDoe Library
CockRoads Dining Commons
Scissor Gate
Bulge School of Law
Kama Sutrardja Dai
Muff-it Library
Squealer Auditorium
Bang Center
… Read More
My Mother the Cardamom
Freaks and Leeks
It’s Always Sunny in Fenneldelphia
Saffron and Son
Allspice in the Family
The Rosemary Tyler Moore Show
Two and a Half Mint
Adventure Thyme
Marjoram in the Middle
Days of our Chives
… Read More
You joined a comedy magazine
You pronounce ‘caramel’ wrong
You coughed that bong rip like a pussy
You never wear your retainer
You’re a nurse and not a real doctor
You read too slow
Your novel is uninspired
You argue … Read More
Ron Paul
Arnold Schwarztenugger
Andrew Crackson
Huey P. Bong
Michael Shroomburg
Benjamin Danklin
Harry Weed
George W. Kush
Ruth Fader Ginsburg
John McCocaine
… Read More
Top Ten Top Tens We Didn’t Print oh wait fuck
Top Ten Jokes Only We Like
Top Ten Largest Intergers
Top Ten Imgur Links to Pictures of Our Genitals
Top Ten Nuclear Launch Codes
Top Ten Words that Kill You … Read More
9/11 was an Inside Handjob
The Da Vinci Chode
The Assy Knoll
Nuts Templar
Cock Ness Monster
Fake Poon Landing
Cumtrails
Illuminaughty
Area 69
Skull and Boners
… Read More
Penis Allen
Darren Aronofskeet
John Huge
Terry Filling-’em
Martin Scores-easy
Bust Van Sant
Rim Burton
George Lick-ass
Sam Reamy
Roman No-pantsky
… Read More
I just threw up! Wanna see?
[furious panting]
You make me wish I hadn’t been neutered.
Do I smell dog feces and urine on you? Because you’ve been rolling around in my mind all day.
What’s your sign? Mine’s “beware … Read More
Mercilessly beaten to death during karaoke
Mainlining too many Pixie Stix
Crushed in structural collapse of bounce house
Nerf war escalation
Heart attack after eating McDonald’s for forty years
Falling out of an upside-down roller coaster
Eaten alive by puppies … Read More
