- The other white meat.
- Kid-tested, mother approved.
- Obey your thirst.
- Suck my dick!
- The best a man can get.
- Is it in you?
- The juice is loose.
- Put it in your head.
- It’s what’s for dinner.
- If it doesn’t get
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Things You Wonder About Your Roommate
- Why is his hand still on my cock?
- Why does he get a football scholarship if the team’s just going to get its ass kicked anyway?
- If the Chinese are so good at laundry, how come his clothes are always
Top Three Penises
- Alan Greenspan (’cause he’s a penis)
- Yours
- Mine
Top Ten Things to Put Time Capsule
- Dignity
- The monolith from 2001
- A surprise party
- A cat, a radioactive isotope, triggering device, and poison
- Carton of milk
- Wolf bait
- Safeway club card
- The “monium” list
- A Fabuloso burrito
- A giant, steaming turd
Top Ten “moniums”
- This list blows-monium
- Make yo bitch monium
- Monimonium
- Vic DeMonium
- Alimonium
- Plutoniumonium
- Koalamonium
- Pandemonium
Top Ten Meat-Flavored Cereals
- Honey Bunches of Lamb
- Venison Krispies
- Frosted Mini-Meats
- Cinnamon Roast Crunch
- Meaties
- Shredded Beef
- Ducky Charms
- Goatmeal
- Cracklin’ Pork Bran
- Sausage Loops
Top Ten Things to Do at Berkeley Hot Tubs
- Make thousands of gremlins
- Massage Shirley Dean’s big
greasy bologna tits - Make enormous amounts of
Ramen - Sit on the drain and get your ass
sucked out of your ass - Have high-power Japanese
business meetings - Wear floaties
- Burn your nut sack
Top Ten Canadian Things
- Poland
- The Canadian Dream
- “Bye, bye Miss Canadian Pie”
- Guess Who’s hit song “Canadian
Woman” - War
- David Bowie’s “Young Canadian”
- Canadian Graffiti
- 0.33-meter-long hot dogs
- Canadian cheese singles
- American bacon
Local Man Subcontracts Cunnilingus
Last Saturday, James Starchman, 21, a member of a local fraternity, became the first man in recorded history to hire an independent contractor to perform cunnilingus. When his girlfriend demanded it of him, he contacted several local subcontractors and hired … Read More
Deconstructing Graduation
You might not know it, but graduation is the most enduring secular ritual in the history of the world. Since sooner or later we’re all going to come face to face with the traditions that have developed to mark the … Read More
