There are many abortions of environmental design on the Berkeley campus. It’s common to hear people complain of the labyrinthine halls of Dwinelle, the threateningly phallic Campanile, the strange dog-shape of Wurster, and Evans Hall’s general funk ugliness. While all … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
My Penis is Comparable to Big Thunder Mountain
Warning: Big Thunder Mountain is a turbulent train ride through the old west. It is not recommended for people with back problem, heart disease, or pregnant women. You may get wet.
Reading the title of this article you may be … Read More
Y Peter Kang
Too much man for Mondays
Y. Peter,
(Can I call you Y. Peter?) I’ve been waiting a long time to open up about these feelings I’m having. Now is the time for me to declare my undying love for you. Y. Peter, I love you, … Read More
Mourning Families Comforted by Prying Media
Families of the numerous victims killed in a recent horrible tragedy were relieved this week to find that the media would not be ignoring their plight. Rather, a series of close-up photos of crying relatives, as well as frequent taking … Read More
Top Ten Songs About Legislation
- Play That Funky Music Al Gore
- Johnny B. Partisan
- Smells Like The Contract With America
- I Just Called To Say I.O.U.
- Majority Whip It
- One Hand In My Pocket Veto
- Chapel of Love, Where Love Is Defined Explicitly as Being
Top Ten Breakfast Cereal Killers
- Cocoa Puff Daddy
- Vons Value Brand Night Stalker Cereal
- Honey Tomb
- Apple Jack the Ripper
- Jeffrey Dahmer’s Frosted Flakes of Human Skin
- Grape Psychos
- Cunanan Toast Crunch
- Rice Kaczinskys
- Honey Bundys of Oats
- Cheeri-Ojs
Top Ten Arm Wrestling Movies
- Over the Top
Top Ten Ways For the ASUC to Improve Its Image
- Cyborgs!
- Return the Lindbergh baby
- Airlift supplies to Berlin
- More school dances that remind us of our awkward teenage years
- Take down the Confederate flag from atop Eshleman Hall
- Give students excursion passes to the Land of Chocolate
- Send a
Top Ten Uses For A Vacuum
- Spay dog (you can suck the uterus right out of there)
- Turn innie into outie (for a brief period of time)
- In-home angioplasties
- Climb up side of building (requires two vacuums)
- Save money on shampoo
- Give self hickey; watch popularity
Top Ten Least Successful ASUC Parties
- Berkeley Engineers, Conductors and Brakemen
- Defenders of the Silver Standard
- Safeway Club
- Whigs
- A bunch of guys named Roger
- National Socialist
- HARDBOILED!
- Bull Moose
- The Bring Dave Coulier To Campus Party
- BYOB
