Top Ten Ways to Piss Off a Telegraph Punk

Offer him a job.
Kick his dog in the face again.
Give him a fat wad of old Mexican pesos.
Make looking like a freak trendy.
Rip out the safety pin from his nose and say,”not so safe, was it?”
When purchasing ‘green bud,’ insist on a receipt for tax purposes.
Repeatedly mutter “a proletariat-says-what?”
Promise him food, and then proceed to donate one slice of Blondie’s Pizza.
Make him scramble for a quarter, then kick his dog in the face.
Blind the scoundrel with potpourri-scented pepper spray.