Seven Episodes of the FCC

Episode One

Secretary: Mr. Powell?
FCC Chairman Michael Powell: Yes?
Secretary: Your father’s on the line.
Powell: And?
Secretary: He doesn’t love you.

Episode Two

Secretary: Mr. Powell?
Powell: Yes?
Secretary: I’m pregnant.
Powell: You told me you were on the piGAA
Secretary: By your father.

Episode Three

Complainant: Look, I’m telling you that my neighbors are sending pornographic material over the airwaves! They need to be fined.
FCC Controller: Sir, ogling your daughter while she sunbathes does not involve the airwaves.
Complainant: ButGAA
Controller: I’d strongly suggest that you just advise her to find a more discreet location.
Complainant: But then I’d have to reinstall the webcam.

Episode Four

Commissioner Abernathy: So, what’s your finding?
Counsel: Sir, we find the particular instance under question to not meet the criteria for obscenity.
Chairman Powell: So you don’t think it appeals to the prurient interests of the average American?
Counsel: No sir, we think that it does.
Commissioner Adelstein: And you don’t think it depicts, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct as defined by our guidelines?
Counsel: No ma’am. It depicts that for sure.
Commissioner Martin: So, what then?
Counsel: It is our opinion that the videos of Chairman Powell having sexual relations with a donkey carry with them significant political and scientific value.
Commissioner Kopps: He’s got a point, Mike.

Episode Five

Ham Radio Operator: Stupid cunt.
FCC Controller: Hm, did anyone else hear that?
Stupid Cunt: I heard it.
FCC Controller: All right, I’m taking you in.

Episode Six

Network Executive: Look, all we want is to show two pair of tits each season.
FCC Controller: Wait wait, is that two tits or two pair of tits?
Exec: Two pair.
Controller: So I’m hearing four tits total. Four tits?
Exec: Four tits.
Controller: Says here you already filled your tit quota last Thursday.
Exec: Last Thursday?
Controller: With Cancer: The Tragedy and Its Survivors.
Exec: Fucking Ad Council.

Episode Seven

Colin Powell: Son?
Michael Powell: Yeah?
Colin Powell: I hate you son.
Michael Powell: ButGAA
Colin Powell: Your mother and I both hate you.
Michael Powell: Why did you get my secretary pregGAA
Colin Powell: So the child will hate you.