- Explain that if your randomly-chosen floor matches the floor chosen by your potential lover in the other elevator, you were meant to be together
- Take elevator from first to second floor, you lazy, non-stair-walking ASUC fuck
- Press every button, get off, then blow the cable
- Masturbate
- Wedge open doors with liquid metal arms
- Set up a chair and desk; complain about how many people come into your office
- Have a torrent of blood ready to spill out whenever doors open
- Personally weigh over 500 lbs.
- Make cash register noises when pressing buttons
- Stop showering a month before riding elevator
