- Kill’Em All
- Fight Fire With The Fire Extinguisher
- Battery Not Included
- Puppeteer of Puppets
- Don’t Tread on the Tulips
- Trapped Under Father O’Malley (Catholic Children Only)
- Ride the Carousel
- For Whom the Recess Bell Tolls
- Milk and Cookies for All
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- Play That Funky Music Al Gore
- Johnny B. Partisan
- Smells Like The Contract With America
- I Just Called To Say I.O.U.
- Majority Whip It
- One Hand In My Pocket Veto
- Chapel of Love, Where Love Is Defined Explicitly as Being
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- Spay dog (you can suck the uterus right out of there)
- Turn innie into outie (for a brief period of time)
- In-home angioplasties
- Climb up side of building (requires two vacuums)
- Save money on shampoo
- Give self hickey; watch popularity
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- Cyborgs!
- Return the Lindbergh baby
- Airlift supplies to Berlin
- More school dances that remind us of our awkward teenage years
- Take down the Confederate flag from atop Eshleman Hall
- Give students excursion passes to the Land of Chocolate
- Send a
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- What just happened?
- Huh?
- I’d hate to see a low-tech burrito.
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- Teach evolution in Kansas
- Replace communal wine with Franzia “Party-in-a-Box”
- Last rites read in comical Yiddish accent
- Non-transsubstantiating wafers
- Recommend the rhythm method as a viable birth control option
- A dildo in your ass instead of the priest’s cock
- Apology
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- Cocoa Puff Daddy
- Vons Value Brand Night Stalker Cereal
- Honey Tomb
- Apple Jack the Ripper
- Jeffrey Dahmer’s Frosted Flakes of Human Skin
- Grape Psychos
- Cunanan Toast Crunch
- Rice Kaczinskys
- Honey Bundys of Oats
- Cheeri-OJs
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- I can’t believe you had sex with my mother!
- Uno!
- Why is it so hard to think of a name for Jack’s bistro?
- It’s a boy!
- To add or drop a class, press “2”.
- Just come in off the ledge.
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- The Jungle Gook
- Gooks and Ladders
- The Gooks of Hazzard
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