The United States Congress has passed the “Everything is Just Fine” act, declaring that everything is “just fine.” This “just fineness” of everything is the first to occur in over 5000 years, when man’s earliest historical records first reported trouble … Read More

Former ASUC President Irami Osei-Frimpong has announced the formation of his new “Students for Evil” political party. The new student political group will be dedicated to the spread of evil throughout UC Berkeley.

“I simply did not feel that evil … Read More

Epic Records has announced the release of the unauthorized “Greatest Hits of the Campanile” album. The two disk set features bootleg recordings of some of the Campanile’s most popular noontime songs. Among those featured are Beethoven’s 9th symphony, St. Augustine’s … Read More