Latest Issue
Volume 33, Issue 1:
The HEURISTIC! Squelch
Volume 8- Issue 6

Top Ten Berkeley Bands

May 1, 1999

  1. Tha Mangy Dogg Pound

  2. The Notorious ASUC

  3. The Wu Tang Center
  4. Ugly Kid Courtney
  5. Fat Slice Slim
  6. Beastie Boys and Girls and Chancellors and Dogs and Cats at a University
  7. The Artist Formerly Known as
    the ASUC President
  8. The Angry Bitches of Tolman
  9. The Bicycle Police
  10. David Cash and the Samaritones
Volume 8- Issue 6

Top Ten Nefarious Government Projects at UC Berkeley

May 1, 1999

  1. Haas Pavilion

  2. Dwinelle Psychological Warfare Division

  3. KGB operatives in the Math Department
  4. Ninja Warrior ROTC
  5. Mengile’s Tang Center
  6. Haas School of Nefarious
    Government Projects
  7. Soylent Rib-B-Q’s
  8. STD research at DG
  9. Cutting monkey’s eyes open and watching them bleed
  10. Soda Hall nerve gas harvesting
Volume 8- Issue 6

Top Ten Parting Words You Don’t Want to Hear from Your GSI

May 1, 1999

  1. Those weren’t really fetal pigs.

  2. I think you got me wet.

  3. I’m Batman.
  4. Today’s self-addressed stamped postcard is brought to you by the letter F.
  5. Want to know how your mother got an A in this class?
  6. Your check bounced.
  7. You’re eating maggots, Michael. You’re eating maggots.
  8. If I see you again, I’ll put a bullet in your head and fuck the brainhole.
  9. Bye, Sam. (If your name’s not Sam.)
  10. Fuck you!
Volume 8- Issue 6

Top Ten Reasons $1.10 Chinese Food is Better than $1 Chinese Food

May 1, 1999

  1. Colombian MSG

  2. 11% of your purchase goes toward the purchase of $1 Chinese Food.

  3. Their fortune cookies have dimes in them.
  4. They never get tired of your “flied lice” jokes.
  5. Their Kung Pao actually tastes different from sweet ‘n’ sour sauce.
  6. You’re not hungry until 35 minutes later.
  7. They use border collies instead of regular collies.
  8. Both chopsticks are included.
  9. Napkins
  10. Extra trichinosis worms