Richard Schlongen, the only male professor in the Women’s Studies Department, was denied tenure last week after colleagues found a Penthouse magazine in his office. Women’s Studies Professor Marsha Johnson said, “I was sitting in his office discussing the evil … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
The Odd Couple
Roberto Lewis found the following written in blood on a dirty bedsheet when he moved into his dorm room this semester. The previous occupant apparently had left it behind. I hate my roommate. I relate the following so that one … Read More
ASUC Declares War on South Africa
Jan. 10, 1991. After six minutes of fierce debate, the ASUC senate voted unanimously last week to declare war on South Africa. Citing Apartheid and other human rights violations, the senate appropriated its remaining budget of $719 to “wage war … Read More
April Fool’s Day Antics
Sure, it may still be March, but April is just around the corner. So what does this mean? April showers that bring May flowers? Time to pay your taxes? One month until finals? Pink Floyd concerts? All very good answers, … Read More
Top Ten Oscar Nominated Adult Films of 1994
- Schindler’s Lick
- In the Body Cavity of the Father
- Ace Ventura: Pet Molester
- The Age of Touching Yourself
- Who’s Eating Gilbert Grape
- The Ladsucker Proxy
- The Joy Suck Club
- Long Cuts
- Reality Nibbles
- Six Degrees of Masturbation
Top Ten Hardest Things For A Guy From Alabama To Adjust To
- Christian fundamentalists are in the minority
- The cutting of his financial funding when his parents find out he got an
earring - Tofu isn’t innately evil, just misunderstood
- Non-white type people walking around the streets
- Long hair a fashion statement and
Top Ten Things Said at Jesus’ Crucifixion
- “Calgon, take me away!”
- “Damn, but don’t he look like Charles Manson?”
- “I’ll bet you twenty bucks he rises from the dead.”
- “Hey man, can you do that `water into wine’ bit right now? We’re all kind of thirsty.
- “Jesus
Top Ten Reasons We Fought the Civil War
- “Tastes great” / “Less filling”
- To provide the inspiration for the Franklin Mint(tm) Civil War Chess
Set. - So that white men could only exploit women and animals.
- The North was feeling rejected.
- The devil made us do it.
- Oil. (oops,
Top Ten Nails in Bill Clinton’s Political Coffin
- Firing of the White House kitchen staff
- “Don’t ask, don’t tell”
- Vincent Foster
- Whitewater
- Hillary
- Health Care
- NAFTA
- China
- Haiti
- Bosnia
Top Ten Reasons We Fought the Civil War
- “Tastes great” / “Less filling”
- To provide the inspiration for the Franklin Mint(tm) Civil War Chess
Set. - So that white men could only exploit women and animals.
- The North was feeling rejected.
- The devil made us do it.
- Oil. (oops,
