Top Ten Worst Times to Tackle Someone

When he’s covered in twelve-inch stainless steel spikes
When he’s a bear
When the contractions are thirty seconds apart
During a duel
As he’s pulling out
While he’s laying down a big steamy loaf
When he’s about to score a point in badminton, regardless of the circumstances
When he’s one yard away from the endzone and he plays for Stanford and you play for Cal
While he’s giving his inauguration speech
Just before the priest says “man and wife”