Frat Bro Leaves Consent Workshop Early to Pick Up Alcohol for Tonight

Brad White, a member of a fraternity on campus, had to leave a university mandated sexual assault awareness workshop early to pick up alcohol for the party his frat was hosting later that night.

“I was having a really enlightening time at the workshop,” White told Squelch reporters on his way out of the building. “Unfortunately, BevMo closes at 8:00, and I need fifteen handles of Vitali, ten boxes of Franzia, eleven jugs of Rossi, and five thirty-racks of Natty Lite.”

The workshop, hosted by the police department and held in White’s fraternity house, stressed the ideals of positive consent and made clear that strict punishments, up to and including a suspension from the Pan-Hellenic Council, would be handed down in case of any misconduct at the parties. The officer giving the talk ended, however, by reminding all the young men to “have a great time.”

“I’m really excited for the party tonight,” White added as he walked from the workshop to his car. “It’s already our third [party] of the semester, and we’re upping the ratio to make sure we’ll have enough girls to keep things interesting.”

Meanwhile, at a nearby co-op, the social manager had to leave her house’s consent workshop early to pick up molly for the Sex Dungeon Day Rave planned for the next day.