- Beggars can’t be choosers, but choosers could be beggars after one little fuck-up.
- If at first you don’t succeed, you’re a fucking failure.
- I think therefore I’m sad.
- A bird in the hand would peck your eyes out if it had the chance.
- Love is like a lucky penny. If it slips through your fingers, you’ll never find it again.
- People in glass houses will probably get skin cancer.
- Time flies when you’re on your deathbed.
- Nobody’s perfect. We’re alone in an indifferent universe.
- One man’s trash will sit in a landfill forever.
- When in Rome, your American dollars are nearly worthless.
- A stitch in time will stop the bleeding, so be sure to lock the bathroom door before you slit your wrists.
- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are drowning in the gutter.
- Shoot for the moon: even if you miss, you’ll starve to death in a tiny capsule.
- If it ain’t broke, you’ll probably break it, you clumsy little shit.
- The apple never falls far from the tree, where its seeds will never grow because sunlight cannot reach underneath that selfish goddamn tree.
- Tragedy plus time equals alcoholism.
- You can’t teach an old dog that its life is almost over.
