Websites: The Movie

With Facebook’s elegiac bio-pic The Social Network generating a huge buzz, other websites are jumping on the bandwagon and filming their own origin stores. Here are the trailers: presents Judgement Day: Pastrami on Rye

[Scene opens in an empty city deli. Two idealistic young computer programmers sit down at an empty booth.]

Kevin: Jack, do you notice anything… weird about this sandwich?

Jack: [taking a bite] It–it’s delicious.

Kevin: Good God, man. We need to do something about this!

Jack: We need to tell the world.

Narrator: Garibaldi Deli was a national secret. Until two men broke the story wide open. World wide web open.

Jack: We’re going to make a website where anyone can review restaurants!

Kevin: No more secrets. No more lies.

[_Jump Cu_t]

Kevin: Submit review! I said, submit review!

Jack: It’s too late, Kevin. Cindy already went to the overpriced deli across the street.

[Jump Cut]

Jack: Dammit, man! Only three stars? The service was impeccable!

Kevin: I. Asked. For no. Mustard.

[Fade to black while choral arrangement of The Beatles’s Mean Mr. Mustard plays.] presents Matchless Love

[In a darkened room, a young woman presses her hand longingly against her computer screen.]

Jessica: Who are you

[Suddenly, an IM appears.]

Connor: Oh, LilCuteStar. I know your a/s/l, your IP address. And yet, I feel like I still don’t know a thing about you. Except that–

Narrator: It took two perfect strangers…

Jessica: Except, what?

Narrator: …to have a perfect love.

Connor: That it’s like a team of experts matched us based on 29 points of compatibility. I-I love you.

Jessica:  Marry me!

Narrator: But when their families tried to tear them apart…

Jessica: Mom! Dad! Our love has compatibility. It’s like a fool-proof formula!

Father: Poppycock!

Narrator: …a matchmaking website with mathematically proven success rates…

Jessica: [aside] I’ll show them, I’ll show them all!

Narrator: …was born.

Connor: C’mon, Jess. Come out of the romantic chemistry lab for dinner at least.

Jessica: But I’ve finally done it, I’ve created an infallible dating website born of our pure love. I’m certain of it! So certain, that I can offer a 6 month guarantee!

Connor: That’s twice as long as eHarmony!

[Fade to black while choral arrangement of Love Potion No. 9 plays.] incepts Inception

[Two men smoke cigarettes in a small, dark conference room. Their exhausted faces are barely visible through a cloud of smoke.]

CEO: How are we going to push more products? No one wants our cheap, overproduced crap.

Employee: It’s impossible! Unless…

CEO: Unless what?

Employee: Inception.

Narrator: A web start-up on the brink of destruction is about to pull off the heist of a lifetime.

Employee: All we have to do is go inside our customers’ minds and convince them that they need to buy more bedding, more mahogany-finished clothing hampers, more reasonably-priced dog beds.

CEO: And that is the place to do it.

Employee: If we’re going to do this, we need an architect.

CEO: The best architect. Thinking what I’m thinking?

Employee: We need an advertising agency.

[Jump Cut]

Architect: This commercial is only 30 seconds long, so we need to get in and out of there. When the screen fades to black, that’s the kick.

CEO: What happens if we fail?

Architect: Then the website will stay in limbo. People will remember hearing about, but no one will actually know why it exists.

CEO: So…basically the same then?

[Fade to black while choral arrangement of the Inception theme song plays.]