Introducing Google Schmoop™
8/7/2010 02:54:00 PM
Hey Google Fans,
The gang at Google is delighted to announce our new app. It’s called Google Schmoop™, and before you ask, “What’s Google Schmoop™?” try it for yourself. Just download any of our great Google products and we’ll automatically put it right on your computer. You might experience a brief slowdown while our hassle-free installation slowly re-educates your computer, but that should only last a few days. Still curious what Google Schmoop™ is? Don’t be!
It wasn’t easy coming up with it, but we think that Google Schmoop™ will provide all of us an incredible opportunity to get involved in a new, Google world.
Allegations Against Google Schmoop™
8/16/2010 11:27:00 AM
There’s been some nasty stuff said about Google Schmoop™ recently and we at Google wanted a chance to clear the air. Just like all brand new programs, Schmoop™ has a few glitches, but that’s nothing we can’t fix. To give you the best internet experience possible, we’ve created this troubleshooting guide for Google Schmoop™:
Glitch: Google Schmoop™ is sending all of my private data straight to Google.
Quick Fix: Darn, that shouldn’t be happening! Click on File, Preferences, and then Privacy Settings. Check to make sure your filters are sending your private data to Verizon, then to Google, and you’re set!
Glitch: Google Schmoop™ has deleted all non-Google applications off my computer.
Quick Fix: Use only Google applications.
Glitch: Strange men are trying to break into my house.
Quick Fix: Let them! They’re just our newly trained Street View car drivers who, on top of keeping our Street Views as up to date as possible, are free to go into your house and search your hard drive.
Until we have these bugs sorted out, keep using our many other great Google products.
Announcing Our Long-planned Corporate Expansion
8/22/2010 3:19:00 PM
The overwhelming success of our Schmoop™ operation has made us feel that it was about time to reveal our exciting new plans for the future. These programs have been in the works for a while now and we hope that you will be as satisfied as we are in our effort to make your life a little Googlier.
With the surprise launching of 14 new Google Earth Satellites, Google Schmoop™ is finally up and running at full capacity. Now, in addition to overseeing the majority of the world’s information and communication, we also oversee you. I guess you could call us The Overseers!
Google Schmoop™ has given us the opportunity to remove anything from your computer that we think you’d find a bother, like pop-ups and human rights literature (see the end user license agreement here). We know such material would only be an obstacle for Google’s 5-Year Plan, and we here think that the best way to solve problems is to prevent them from ever happening.
Because we want to help as many people as possible, we’ve decided to move the company out of our Mountain View headquarters and set up shop somewhere else. Namely, the inside of a secret volcano.
Best- Grand Overseer Ed