A recent study on depression demographics by UC Berkeley professor C. H. Diggs has shown conclusively that those aged 0 to 18 months make up the largest segment of America’s depressed.
“It’s rather surprising,” said Diggs, “but it looks like we basically start out at rock bottom.” The lack of long-term relationships and the feeling of powerlessness that accompany being a baby are thought to contribute to the elevated levels of depression among infants. “These results were hidden in the past thanks to the liberal misdiagnoses of ‘SIDS’ and ‘stillborn,'” Dr. Diggs elaborated.
When asked for comment, a baby sitting in his PlaySkool entertainment swing remarked, “Every time I get close to the ceiling the chair swings back and I’m farther away than ever. Closer, then farther, closer, then farther. I don’t think I can take it any more! It’s like I’m stuck in the proverbial pendulum of fortuna, the fruits of Eden always just out of my reach.”
The new findings have prompted many parents to ask themselves “Is my baby depressed?” Diggs and his colleagues have released a list of telltale signs of infant depression: “Does your baby lack energy? Does he lie on his back all day staring into space, reluctant to even get up and walk to the next room? Does your baby have sudden, vigorous fits of crying for no apparent reason? Is your baby reluctant to speak to you or others? If you answered yes to any of these questions, it is likely your baby is depressed. Please consult a mental health professional immediately.”