Kucinich Delegates Pile into Chevy Astrovan

As the race for the Democratic presidential nomination nears its end, frontrunner John Kerry continues to vie for the largest percentage of voting delegates come August. Not to be outdone, however, is Dennis Kucinich, who treated all of his eight delegates to a hearty Hometown Buffet breakfast after ferrying them around in his “campaign headquarters” – a used 1989 Chevy Astrovan sporting a “99.9 El Musico Nuevo” bumper sticker.

With 8 delegates firmly behind him, Kucinich is only 2,156 short of the Democratic nomination. In the lead is Kerry, with 1,362 delegates pledging support. The elven Kucinich shows little concern for those numbers.

“Hey guys, got enough room back there?” he asked all of his supporters. Gladys Johnson-Avery of Honolulu was the sole negative respondent, complaining that fellow delegate Abram Fortis was kicking the back of her seat. Kucinich threatened a lack of waffles if the behavior was not ceased, and all was well again. Later, Johnson-Avery claimed the title of “Best Delegate” by finding something starting with the letter “z” on I-80.

In related news, a new poll shows Dennis Kucinich winning by a landslide in the National Berkeley Election, though no such thing exists. “Aww,” said local resident Anne Gardiner. “But I like to vote.”