Famous Actor Vanishes

Several witnesses claim that formerly ubiquitous child actor Haley Joel Osment disappeared into a thick haze that settled down around his West Los Angeles home on Wednesday. While eyewitness accounts are still unclear, some speculate that this reported haze was, in actuality, what experts refer to as a “cloud of obscurity.”

“The cloud of obscurity is a random meteorological event which envelops celebrities from time to time,” explains Dr. James Wooten, a professor of celebrity-related weather events at CSU Hayward. “It whisks these celebrities to an alternate dimension, where people still notice their existence.”

Actor Donnie Wahlberg, who co-starred with Osment in the 1999 blockbuster The Sixth Sense, claims to know differently about his colleague’s whereabouts. “He didn’t disappear,” Wahlberg said. “He totally knocked up that Hallie Kate Eisenberg chick and moved out to Northridge with her last December.”