Top Ten Reasons You’re Graduating

  1. You paid Stanford $120,000
  2. You’re Kyle Boller and it’s opposite day
  3. You need to go star in a late-60’s movie with Ann Bancroft
  4. Like Stalin, your third five-year plan was wildly successful
  5. Cause you can’t go home and you can’t stay here
  6. The University caved in and dropped all charges against you
  7. They don’t care which Nick Chen gets a diploma
  8. You paint lines on cylinders at a scientific-supply factory
  9. Stuck in the Greek Theatre when the doors close
  10. 4 units x 33 semesters = over the max!