Top Ten Things Found by Lewis & Clark (while Dreaming)

  1. Thomas Jefferson’s evil plot to tip all the cows
  2. A job! (Those hippy slackers)
  3. That bartering sucks
  4. Lewis held captive by Lex Luther; Clark changes quickly in a phone booth, saves Lewis.
  5. Elvis, Osama, the Missing Link, and Sasquatch, all playing 5-card draw in Atlantis
  6. A clean, completely renewable source of fuel
  7. Warm and sunny Southwest coast, not shitty Northwest coast
  8. Sacagawea’s slutty sister
  9. Prairie cats
  10. Waterfall made of butter