Low-Rise Thong Not Low Enough

Claire Mitchell, a graphic designer in Newport Beach, California, has stated that she regrets spending $8.50 on a low-rise thong that was still visible above the waistline of her new Superlow Levi’s. “I was so excited to be able to sit down without worrying about my underwear peeking out, but this thong behaved just like the rest of ’em.”

In a recent attempt to combat frequent underwear visibility, lingerie companies have introduced what they call “low-rise” thongs. Mitchell purchased one from Victoria’s Secret, the nation’s leading undergarment retailer. This particular thong sits five inches below the waist but is not adequately low enough for the general populace.

Mitchell claims to have tried many different brands of low-rise thongs without finding a single one that successfully hides below the waistband of her jeans. Frustrated, she defended herself against criticism for wearing thongs that are “too high.”

“It’s not my fault that corporate America is bombarding me with sexy low-rise jeans without offering the right kind of underwear. Do you think I _enjoy _being called a ho?!”