Top Ten Worst Things to Say in a Courtroom

  1. “They will be brought to justice or justice will be brought to them.”
  2. “Is she typing everything I say? Even ‘blarvemarf’?”
  3. “Not not not not not guilty.”
  4. “The only thing separating you from me is a law degree, a shitload of law experience, a bench appointment, and whatever else you need to be a judge.”
  5. “I killed that guy. That guy who died. I killed him.”
  6. “I didn’t see who took your gavel; I was too busy paying attention to the new gavel I just got.”
  7. “You can’t be the judge, you’re a woman!”
  8. “What the hell kind of stupid bullshit is that, your Honor?”
  9. “It’s my Bible now.”
  10. “Like the whole whole truth?”