Top Ten Worst Things to Say in a Courtroom

“They will be brought to justice or justice will be brought to them.”
“Is she typing everything I say? Even ‘blarvemarf’?”
“Not not not not not guilty.”
“The only thing separating you from me is a law degree, a shitload of law experience, a bench appointment, and whatever else you need to be a judge.”
“I killed that guy. That guy who died. I killed him.”
“I didn’t see who took your gavel; I was too busy paying attention to the new gavel I just got.”
“You can’t be the judge, you’re a woman!”
“What the hell kind of stupid bullshit is that, your Honor?”
“It’s my Bible now.”
“Like the whole whole truth?”