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Club soda
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Call Bizarro Jesus to turn red wine back into water
- Spill red wine on rest of carpet to create a dalmation pattern
- The Bissel Steam Vac, the only vacuum that heats tap water up to 25 degrees hotter
- Peer pressure
- Spill fish on carpet
- Threaten carpet with reprisals if it continues to harbor red wine
- Threaten red wine with reprisals if it doesn’t leave right away
- Replace entire carpet while one friend concocts elaborate lies about why no one else can go in there, and another friend coughs to disguise the sound of you hammering
- Move recliner to cover stain, then move sofa to cover stain that recliner was covering
