Top Ten Things You Would Do If You Ran the Zoo

  1. Ten lucky kids bring home a zebra stripe
  2. Cradle your torn-off arm in your remaining arm
  3. Cradle baby tigers in your arms
  4. Increase flamingo availability for use as croquet mallets
  5. Bleach everything, call it albino
  6. Many boring small cages become one big fun cage
  7. Turn giraffes into waterslides (by hollowing out their backs)
  8. Downgrade polar bears to 95% dangerous
  9. So much panda breeding
  10. Hourly shows of Mr. Lion Meets Mr. Deer