- Draw mustaches on professors without hurting your grade
- Have record of Tuesday Night Drinking Club (TNDC) for posterity
- Weighty tome keeps coffee table from blowing away
- After college, you can ask pictures “So what’s your major?” and receive answers from captions
- You can check off girl(s) you’ve dated
- College-level sappy writing instead of high-school-level sappy writing
- Your freshman, sophomore, and junior years weren’t that good anyway
- Something to sign at reunion, if you’ve received it by then
- Suede-like velveteen cover (1998 edition only)
- No longer need to leave your house to look at people you don’t know
