Fraternities Return to Campus to “Help Men Become Better Date-Rapists”

After an absence of nearly seven years, the UC Berkeley chapter of the Delta Chi fraternity will return to campus in the fall of 2001 to teach male university students the intricate strategies behind succesful date rape.

Delta Chi was competitively driven from the campus in the early 1990’s when the society was unable to keep up with the quickening pace of date rape education. At a time when other top-notch fraternities were publishing groundbreaking findings on the effectiveness of Ketamine Hydrochloride (Special-K) and flunitrazepam (Rohypnol) in the treatment of unwilling females, Delta Chi was still researching in the exhausted field of ethanolic mixtures (Pear Cider, Wine Coolers).

However, Delta Chi has returned to campus with plans to become UC Berkeley’s finest date rape research institution. Ground breaks in early June for construction of their state-of-the-art facility on College Avenue and Channing Way. “We may not throw the best parties, but we’re gonna produce some of the best and brightest date rapists this world has ever seen,” said Jeff McAdoo, leadership consultant for Delta Chi. “The society is alcohol-free and we’ll stay that way… as long as the horse tranquilizers keep coming.

“We’re back on campus to incorporate new traditions with the old,” added McAdoo. “Come on, you know they still want it. And that’s great…cause we’re ready to give it to ’em just like we used to. Hard.”