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Top Ten Ways Not to Answer the Question “Have Your Bags Been Left Unattended at any Time Since Entering the Airport?” | The Heuristic Squelch
Volume 10- Issue 1

Top Ten Ways Not to Answer the Question “Have Your Bags Been Left Unattended at any Time Since Entering the Airport?”

September 1, 2000
  1. “I’m sorry, could you say again? It’s very difficult to concen-trate
    while I’m busy not watching
    my bags.”
  2. “Have yours, motherfucker?”
  3. “You’re just an unathletic Filipino
    working for minimum wage – are you gonna do about it?”
  4. “I’m not smuggling any sex slaves,
    if that’s what you mean.”
  5. “This is because I’m black, it?” (and you’re not even black)
  6. “What are you saying, that I’m bad parent?”
  7. “Don’t be silly. You can’t leave
    them alone at that age, or they’ll
    poop all over everything.”
  8. “Are you kidding!? With all the plu-tonium
    I’ve got in there?”
  9. “No, that nice Iraqi fellow offered
    to keep an eye on them for me.”
  10. “Yeah, but the triggering mecha-nism
    is so sensitive, I’d know someone touched it.”