Cal-PIRG Strikes Deal With Hockey Team

In another manaical protest for the environment, a member of Cal-PIRG brutally attacked and wounded several members of the Cal Ice Hockey team last week.

Trying desperately to get students to attend their games, all four members of the ice hockey team were passing out small flyers at Sather Gate when sophomore Emily Wilcox began screeching loudly about the amount of paper they were wasting. Not having the slightest clue what she was talking about, the hockey players started to cry and yell for time out as Wilcox launched her assault.

A disinterested and apathetic crowd gathered around the fight, but sat around and did nothing, as Cal students are apt to do nowadays.

“We have an ice hockey team?” asked sophomore Ariel Beliak, expressing the general sentiment of the crowd.

The ice hockey team sustained only minor injuries, including three black eyes and two bloody noses.

Charges agaisnt Wilcox have been dropped, provided she can get the nameless, faceless masses of Cal-PIRG automatons to attend the remaining games of the season.