Top Ten Things That Will Wake You Up at 4:00 a.m.

  1. A baby in the microwave
  2. Some guy in your bed with his hand on your breast
  3. A drunken sorority girl.
  4. IDS 142, which anyone can easily sleep through at 4PM, but suddenly becomes earth-shatteringly interesting twelve hours later
  5. Cat dander
  6. Spatzle
  7. The idea of The Love Boat: The Next Wave
  8. Nuclear war
  9. The Orkin Man
  10. An alarm clock