- I just threw up! Wanna see?
- [furious panting]
- You make me wish I hadn’t been neutered.
- Do I smell dog feces and urine on you? Because you’ve been rolling around in my mind all day.
- What’s your sign? Mine’s “beware
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Musical Murderers
- Marvin Gaye’s Dad
- Thin Lizzie Borden
- Mumford and Son of Sam
- Ted Blondie
- Bind Torture Skrillex
- The Unabowie
- The Green Day River Killer
- Boston, the Strangler
- Charles Hanson
- John Wayne Macy Gray
Top Ten Totalitarian Children’s Books
- Curious George Disappears After Asking Too Many Questions
- Redistribution of Treasure Island
- The Big Friendly Gulag
- Goodnight, Coup
- Alice’s Adventures in the Rhineland
- The True Story of the Three Capitalist Pigs
- Cloudy With a Chance of Rations
- Our Glorious Leader
Top Ten Cinematic Atrocities
- The Help
- Darfur the Love of the Game
- Bataan Death March of the Penguins
- Armenian Pie
- Love Don’t Holocaust a Thing
- The Nanking and I
- Horrible Bosnias
- Wallace and Pogrommet: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
- Moulin Khmer Rouge
- A Fish
Eldritch Abomination Emerges From Local Vagina
Blood rained from the sky Monday morning in Chapman, MI, as a thousand-tentacled affront to nature ripped through an inter-dimensional portal in local resident Brittany Goldman’s vagina.
“At first I thought I was just getting my period early,” said Goldman, … Read More
Top Ten Easiest DeCals
- How to Enroll in this DeCal
- Where France is
- HOW LOUD AM I
- Garfield: Which one’s the cat?
- Hot or Cold?
- An intellectual history of Sublime
- Styrofoam Lifting
- The Presidency of William Henry Harrison
- Angering Bees
- Identifying Colors
Top Ten Pornographic Nicolas Cage Movies
- Jerk/Off
- The Cock
- Very Bad Lieutenant: Port of Balls New Orleans
- Dick-Ass
- Blow1ng
- Came in 60 Seconds
- Cunt Air
- The Sorcerer’s A-pantless
- The Dickerman
- Windcockers
Top Ten Signs Your Dog Is a Self-Destructive Alcoholic
- He won’t admit he has a problem
- He spends hours with his head in the toilet
- He’s completely incoherent
- He pukes on the floor
- He passes out on the floor
- He has bad breath
- He doesn’t have any money
- He
Top Ten Signs Your Professor’s a Bear
- His lectures are un-bear-able!
- Takes sabbaticals every winter.
- Finds Winnie the Pooh offensive and degrading.
- Always fighting dogs in Elizabethan England.
- Often early or late to class due to inability to read clocks.
- Your GSI is Boo Boo.
- Keeps telling
Top Ten Literary Video Games
- Watership Down Down Up Up Left Right Left Right B A Start
- A Tale of Two Sim Cities
- The Samus Also Rises
- The Legend of Zelda Fitzgerald
- The Maltese Falcon Punch
- Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, Engineer, Sniper, Medic
- Animal Farmville
