Top Ten Signs You Aren’t in Oscar Contention

You played a retarded guy, but it was a documentary
Your credit: “Assistant to Mr. Top”
The title of your movie replaces a word that sounds like “monkey” with the word “monkey”
“Man’s Head Exploding” flipbook not technically a movie
Despite the widespread popularity of your movie, you’re still R. Kelly
There is more than one X in the title of your movie
Any films in which you’ve appeared have been recorded by convenience store surveillance cameras
Your last name ends in “-ayans”
Reviews describe you as “acne-scarred”
Your production company is named “Miramaxish”