- Two words: Platinum codpiece
- Learn a couple Elliot Smith songs on acoustic guitar; instantly become ball-deep in poontang
- E-vite for one
- Become an RA
- Ask your ex for all her friends’ phone numbers
- Hang out outside girl’s bathroom. Try very hard not to be creepy.
- Standard naval spiral search pattern
- Your uncle just sent you this old lamp he found in Arabia
- You’re the student, she’s the GSI
- Get drunk at a Cloyne party, find out you both like that one cool band, make out and never see each other again
