Since the time when that first primeval man first climbed down from the first trees, literally hundreds of years ago, our most beloved actors have depicted the President. But what if roles were switched and the actors really were President…
Harrison Ford
(Air Force One)
Terrorist: Now that we have hijacked Air Force One, you will have to give in to our demands! [Cackles.]
HF: Do we have any smuggling compartments we could hide in?
Aide: Um, no sir, you’re thinking of the Millennium Falcon. That was fictional.
HF: This ain’t like dustin’ crops, kid!
Aide: What?
HF: [Cracks whip; hates snakes.]
Morgan Freeman
(Deep Impact)
NASA Guy: Mr. President, a comet is going to hit the Earth.
MF: Excuse me for a moment.
White House Chef: What would you like for lunch, sir?
MF: Penguins.
John Travolta
(Primary Colors)
Chief of Staff: Eyyyyy, Presidentamundo.
JT: That’s Fonzi, he was played by Henry Winkler.
Chief of Staff: Sit on it, Ralph!
JT: No, seriously, you’re thinking of the Fonz. I was on Welcome Back Kotter.
[Pause.]
Aide: Dyn-o-mite!
JT: Oh come on, that guy was black!
Will Ferrell
(SNL)
Advisor: Sir, the Omnibus Crime Bill has been scored and referred to committee.
Will Ferrell: Excellent.
Secretary: Oh, Mr. President, Prime Minister Vince Vaughn is on the line and we’ve got His Majesty Owen Wilson on line 4.
Will Ferrell: [Removing clothes for gratuitous nude scene.] Great, see if you can get in a cameo appearance by Acting Attorney General Ben Stiller.
Martin Sheen
(The West Wing)
Chief of Staff: Sir, we need an answer about the crisis in Haiti.
Martin Sheen: [Asks Aide if he knows obscure bible quote.]
Aide: [Smart-alecky fast-banter reply.]
Martin Sheen: [Elaborate retelling of a historical oddity that somehow renders the quote extremely relevant.]
Chief of Staff: But sir, we can’t–
Martin Sheen: [Screaming bombastic Latin, then overly cutesy argument with wife Stockard Channing.]
Aide: Then we’re agreed.
Chief of Staff: I’ll tell the military to start bombing China.
Martin Sheen: Shibboleth.
