Local Man Wins Lottery, Nothing Goes Wrong

Last month, Berkeley resident Mark Halloway won the California Mega-Millions lottery jackpot of 47 million dollars. Sources have confirmed that, contrary to the popular aphorism, he is now happier than ever before.

“Everybody always says that money can’t buy you happiness,” said Mr. Halloway from his newly purchased pleasure-yacht, “but it turns out that the only people who say that are poor. See, the key is to buy lots of nice things that will fulfill you spiritually.”

Halloway claimed that he expected his euphoria to wear off at some point, yet his life only gets better and better with each passing day.

“Strangers keep laughing at my jokes and telling me what a great guy I am. It’s like getting all this money has made me a better person. People like me for who I am, now that I’m rich,” Halloway added.

After our interview, Mr. Halloway began work creating a non-profit organization to help raise awareness about the benefits of winning the lottery.