In what can only be described as a surprising turn of events, actor and former drug addict Charlie Sheen was right about everything he has declared in the past several weeks.
In response to what had previously been considered exaggerated claims, President Obama has now appointed an emergency panel of biologists, engineers, chemists, and ethicists to asses the full implications of the newly discovered superbeing.
Defying what the entire medical community thought possible, Mr. Sheen’s veins contain almost eighty percent tiger blood. Even more shocking is that after a lengthy inspection done by NORAD, it was found that the intrepid actor is also an F-18 class fighter jet.
Many analysts are still trying to comprehend how this rocket-powered-saber wielding, bi-winning fighter jet with fire fists managed to star in one of the most popular sitcoms in recent memory without his incredible talent ever being noticed.
In a worrisome development, Sheen declared in a recent TMZ interview, “I AM DESTRUCTOR, LORD OF THE UNIVERSE! I SHALL DEVOUR ALL THAT STAND IN MY WAY,” surely forecasting the inevitable dominion of the great and powerful Lord Sheen.