The impact of WikiLeaks’ crusade for transparency has extended well beyond the United States, leading to public revelations that have engulfed countless world governments in scandals, threatening to shake them to their core. This map is a handy primer to the many ways in which WikiLeaks has changed the world around us.
Afghanistan: Having run out of other ideas for ways to advance their country’s international prestige in a time of crisis, Afghan leaders have secretly debated bringing their country to the front of at least one ranking by changing its name to Aafghanistan.
China: A leaked government census has confirmed the world’s suspicions that China’s population may in fact be HUGE.
Djibouti: Djibouti’s Defense Minister has taken advantage of global turmoil to annex Lake Titicaca, which has stoked disputes over the contested territory of Assballs Island.
Iraq- Does not actually like America that much.
Jamaica: Government linguists analyzing recently declassified documents have revealed that the strained relationship between Jamaica and Britain was caused by years of miscommunication over the similarities of the word “bacon” said with a Jamaican accent and “beer-can” said with a British accent.
Liechtenstein: The Prince was forced to declare a national “malaise” after the embarrassing reveal that Snoop Dogg had attempted to rent the country for a music video. It is still uncertain whether or not the rapper will perform at the Liechtenstein family bar mitzvah as reparation.
Poland: According to classified government documents, Prime Minister Donald Tusk is looking to sell his bike. He has had zero bids, thanks to his unreasonable asking price and refusal to include a photo in his Craigslist listing.
Sweden: Wikileaks has no comment on anything that may or may not have recently happened in Sweden.
Ukraine: Ukraine’s desperate bid to become a major European power failed after leaked shipping reports showed the nation was exporting its reserves of irrelevance to Latvia. Latvian officials have yet to respond with anything relevant.
Zimbabwe: After learning of the Afghan government’s secret plan to alter the state’s name, Robert Mugabe is currently in the process of changing his state’s name to Aaazimbabwe.
United States: Top Secret documents show that the world’s only superpower is overburdened with a crippling national debt, a failing education system, a dangerously volatile financial sector, political fracturing and is permeated with an emotionally bankrupt consumerist culture.
Russia: Internal documents have revealed Prime Minister Vladimir Putin to be a total Gleek, demanding that his staff write thousands of pages of Glee fan fiction. His defense of the controversial Puck/Quinn pairing has raised outcry in the international Glee community.
Australia: Nothing has yet been disclosed to WikiLeaks regarding Australia, but that law where they banned small boobs is still pretty fucked up.
Venezuela: Following the revelation that president Hugo Chavez’s middle name is the frighteningly effeminate “Posey,” Venezuela’s government has begun to crumble.
