- Peter Parkinson’s and Spider-Maningitis
- Genital Mono
- Whatever you get from sleeping with Jessica Alba
- Alzheimer’s if you recently watched your family be mauled by tigers
- That type of cancer that makes you crap Beanie Babies
- Tickle-Cell Anemia
- HIV Negative
- The disease like in that porno where the nurse has to give you a blowjob or you die
- Dance Fever
- Adult Alcohol Syndrome
