Much has been written about the eerie parallels between Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy. But overlooked are the even-more-eerie parallels between Lincoln, Kennedy, and former Oakland Raiders offensive tackle Lincoln Kennedy. Check it out.
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Lincoln was elected president in 1860. Kennedy was elected in 1960. When he retired, Lincoln Kennedy tipped the scales at 360.
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“Lincoln” and “Kennedy” have seven letters. Both Lincoln Kennedy’s first and last names have seven letters.
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In a 2003 divisional playoff game against the Jets, Lincoln Kennedy gave up only one sack: To defensive end John Abraham.
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Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy. Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln. The Oakland Raiders had an assistant press secretary named John Wilkes Harvey Oswald.
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After losing to New England in the famous “Tuck Rule” game, an angry Lincoln Kennedy led a group of anti-Castro Cuban expatriates in an ill-fated invasion of Fort Sumter, South Carolina.
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During World War II, Kennedy’s PT Boat was split in half. During the Civil War, Lincoln’s America was split in half. During the first Gulf War, Lincoln Kennedy’s college football team, the Washington Huskies, split the national championship with the Miami Hurricanes.
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Lincoln was shot in a theater, and his assassin fled to a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse, and his assassin fled to a theater. In 1999, Lincoln Kennedy got a cortisone shot in his ankle before a crucial game against the San Diego Chargers. Two days later, millions of television viewers watched in shock as Oakland’s team doctor was shot to death by Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby.
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Every Thanksgiving, members of Lincoln Kennedy’s family assemble on their front lawn for a spirited debate on states’ rights and nullification. They also play touch football, though his alcoholic younger brother insists on being all-time quarterback.
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Like Abraham Lincoln, Lincoln Kennedy never had sex with Marilyn Monroe.
