- Extremely mild leukemia
- Spooning a bear
- Dehydration from relentless oral sex
- Metaphorically
- Being shot in a Brookstone massage chair
- Eaten by toothless dinosaur
- Choking on feathers
- A car accident, while reclining and drinking a non-poisonous beer
- Drinking a poisonous beer in your recliner
- Stabbed through a fluffy jacket
