Problem Found

President Bush yesterday announced the identity of the new enemy in the War on Terror. “Gypsies,” he said derisively. “Filthy gypsies who would strangle one another for a sheep’s bladder of wine.”

Following Bush’s fireside proclamation, a general was sent to marshal troops loyal to the throne. A throng of hooded Cossacks left on horseback at nightfall.

Some would say that Bush’s willingness to fight in yet another war is but a manifestation of the inner conflict that haunts him nightly without cessation. Palace insiders have spoken in hushed tones of cuckoldry following the reappearance of Neil Bush, George’s brother and Laura’s first love. He was assumed dead following the Napoleonic Wars, but mysteriously returned home last week, though missing one of his cobalt-blue eyes.

Lying in repose, court mystic Karl Rovovich pensively spoke: “It is ‘Mission Accomplished’ everywhere save for that man’s heart.”