Hung-over Jesus Tries New Trick

A grossly hung-over and dangerously dehydrated Jesus woke up last weekend at a friend’s apartment and then attempted to rehydrate himself by transforming the party’s leftover wine back into water. Jesus had transformed the water into wine to impress chicks just the night before, but then realized his folly when he had no water to drink the next morning.

While lumbering through his friend’s house, Jesus also tried to turn the leftover pizza into pancakes, the puke on the floor into syrup, a couch cushion into a TV remote, and the fat, naked chick he woke up next to into Christy Turlington. He was only successful in transforming the puke.

He spent the rest of the morning eating slices of leftover pizza dipped in syrup.