Study : Prolonged Exposure to Jesse Jackson Harmful

Results of an extensive study conducted by researchers at NYU have confirmed that listening to the Reverend Jesse Jackson makes you dumber. As part of the study, three groups of ten adults (age 18-45) were put in separate isolated rooms and asked to take an I.Q.-like reasoning test under different conditions. Group one took the test under normal conditions; group two did the same, but did not sleep the night before; group three, right before the test, was forced to listen to Jackson’s response to the San Francisco 49ers’ hiring of Dennis Erickson as head coach:

“…His hiring is indicative of the NFL’s history of recycling white coaches and affording them two and three chances to be head coaches, while black coaches continue to wait in the wings for opportunities to succeed or fail.”

An alarming disparity in test scores clearly showed that those subjected to such asinine claptrap were unable to perform at normal adult levels, falling just behind those tested that had not slept the night before. Amazingly, doctors observed some evidence of permanent damage to the nerve endings in the dorsolateral frontal lobes of those exposed to Jackson.

In a related story, many parents who have recently brought young children to attend Rainbow/PUSH speeches have reported symptoms of what doctors are referring to as “regressions in normal cognitive development.” The aforementioned children have actually lost pre-operational thought capability and have become un-pottytrained as a result of extended contact with the Reverend.