Only Map to UC Merced Lost

University of California President Richard Atkinson was flummoxed when the only existing map to the new UC Merced campus disappeared from his ’89 Volvo.

“It was right behind the driver’s seat for months,” said Atkinson. “I’ll bet [Chancellor] Bobby [Berdahl] took it with him as a napkin when we dropped him off after that In-n-Out run.”

Without the map, the only existing route to UC Merced has been lost. Trying to reconstruct the route from memory led to the President ending up in Turlock, despite often swearing “I totally remember this road.”

It is expected that UC Merced, which has seen hundreds of millions of dollars in construction and is the linchpin of the UC’s expansion efforts, will remain lost forever.

Atkinson swears that the campus will be found. “I tried Mapquesting ‘UC Merced,’ but the map just stays fixed on Merced’s general location. But we’ll find it some day.”

Atkinson then swore his support for affirmative action and retired.