Last Tuesday, Pleasanton, California resident Matthew Smith, though a self-professed normal and even mediocre guy, discovered true love, which sci-entists had previously claimed was impossible. “It was easy,” he claimed. “It was right next to the Loch Ness Monster and the agent from William Morris the whole time!”
Searching for true love had long been a hobby of Smith’s, and he would go to great lengths in pursuit of it. After searching everywhere he could think of, he finally decided to try looking in his own backyard. “At first, I thought I was lowering my standards by looking there. I mean, it just seemed too easy. But there it was!”
Millions, meanwhile, continue to go without a Hollywood agent or comparable mythical creature.
