- You would cry too if it happened to you.
- I am a total fucking pussy, that’s why.
- Pin the Tail on the Donkey can be a more traumatic experience than most children let on.
- In hindsight, freshly cut onions were a poor choice as a garnish for my pina colada.
- Because this is a fraternity, and I am a younger member. Therefore, I must consume this here keg, weed, and squid before sunrise.
- Because I own coasters, yet people are unaware of the fact that wet drinks should rest on coasters and not finely finished oak.
- Because I didn’t organize a party, yet people are in my apartment at 2:00 am with many bottles of alcohol.
- Because my party was arranged for me to fuck you, but you will not fuck me.
- Because I represent truly democratic policies that will protect every American citizen, not only large corporations. I fixed seatbelts, but still no one will vote for me.
- Because no one is at my party; it’s just me, a remote control, and a bowl of cereal.
