Top Ten Proposed Solutions to Housing Crunch

  1. “Everyone sleeps at the Chancellor’s House” month

  2. Only admitting people between 4’8″ and 5’3″ in order to squeeze them into new quintuple dorm rooms.

  3. Encouraging male students to masquerade as girls so they can live in sorority houses with humorous and painfully obvious results
  4. Move the College of Natural Resources to Vallejo
  5. Everyone just crashes at Cloyne
  6. Assigning more girls to triple rooms, ’cause that threeway shit is hot
  7. More bitching from Paul Hogarth
  8. Ewok village style housing in forest near campus entrance
  9. Every tenth Cal day attendee “eliminated” to make room for the rest
  10. Using highly theoretical quantum physics to find more space in extra “hidden” dimensions