Student tittered briefly last week as _ The California Patriot _, making its official publishing debut, delivered a walloping dose of healthy conservative thought to the UC Campus. Featuring several correctly spelled words and displaying a keen sense of how to operate Microsoft Paint, the soon-to-be-famous issue left a lasting impression on the minds of at least eighteen parents, who joyously confirmed their collective commitment to paying for any future issues that their children wish to produce.
Local reaction to the periodical varied widely, with at least one journalism major noting, “Top ten lists? Jokes written in teeny tiny print underneath the credits? These are the kinds of things we expect from Junior High School publications.” Satisfied readers, as well, could be heard expressing their feelings: “I hate fags too! Haw haw!” Exclaimed one unwashed bystander.
When interviewed over the phone about their plans for future issues, Patriot editors demurred, saying, “There are only so many knock-knock jokes about the Clinton marriage. What are we supposed to do? Write sophisticated conservative essays?” Further inquiries as to the possibility that The Patriot was merely a liberal plot to portray conservatives as intellectually hopeless met with abrupt silence, then the sound of lots of people running out of a room in a hurry.
